Sunday, February 1, 2009

Jon O to Start Opening Day at RB for BU


After much anticipation, I would like to announce to all the Bethel University football fans that Jon O. has finally decided to go out for Bethel Football in the fall of 2009. This rumor has been spreading across BU campus for the last three years after Jon O stated freshman year, "If I worked at it and finally started working out, I would be Bethel University's starting running back because at 5'5", 115 lbs., I would be able to hide behind any offensive line and score every time!"

The rumor really picked up heat after the end of Jon's freshman year when all-world RB Phill Porta graduated after setting the MIAC's all time rushing record and Bethel was looking for another bonafide RB to be able to give the rock to and they believed that Jon O. could the answer. He did however keep BU fans wondering,"would this kid with a beard really be our savior?"

Jon hired an exploratory committee in the fall of 2007 to see how he would be able to handle college football, and if people were interested in him. He held a pep rally in the halls of BU preaching of hope and that change would soon come to Bethel University and exclaimed, "When I step up on the phone books, place my right hand on the football and my other hand on my beard I will look out into the crowds and say to myself, 'this is for you baby' and point to the heavens as a salute to my Civic who got me to where I am today."

Talk picked up again after the 2008 season after finishing far under fan's expectations with poor performances from their running back by committee. Jon has been spending this last month of J-Term "pumping up his biceps and fertilizing my face hair"-jon.....He has been working hard and now claims to be "tough as nails" and ready for opening day 2009.

The exploratory came back to Jon last week and told him the good news, that in FACT, he should announce his candidacy for the 2009 Bethel Football Starting RB. Steve Johnson the head BU football coach said this about Jon's news, "We accept all people of all height and of all athletic ability, Jon will be welcomed with open arms like the prodigal son he is coming home." We look forward to the upcoming season as Jon uses his last semester of NCAA eligibility to bring change and hope to BU football. Before this becomes official Jon's drug test is still pending due to small traces of HGH in his piss. We'll keep you posted.

1 comment:

  1. In a recent update, "The Little One" was declared ineligible to play for the 2009 season. This is a drastic blow to the Osterman camp as they were being touted as a possible third string manager on the practice squad.

    As we wait to hear more news on the sudden turn of events, let us remember this - Geoff is a bitch.

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