Local Male Becomes Pregnant?

Local male college student is found to be pregnant.  This bizarre occurrence has doctors everywhere puzzled and concerned.  Matt Nungesser appears to be with child and is due sometime in late May.  After intense studies and research, it has been confirmed that it must be some sort of divine intervention like Jesus and Marry since Matt is indeed still a virgin.  When asked about his miraculous pregnancy, Matt said, "I am very excited to be carrying a gift of God and hope that it is a beautiful baby boy."  He also commented, "I just hope he doesn't take after his father and have my steel hands.  Maybe God will grant me another miracle and give my son the hands of Larry Fitzgerald."  

Unfortunately for Matt, God has not answered his prayers.  After his ultrasound last week, doctors found that he is carrying a beautiful Steak Chipotle burrito.  It should come out weighing a solid 5 pounds 8 ounces with all its condiments fully intact.  If it is not a failed birth, it will be a new world record sized burrito.  Chipotle has been contacting Matt to see if they can use the burrito birth as a new advertisement campaign.

When asked about carrying a burrito, Matt responded by saying, "God has his own plans for me and my burrito.  Maybe he is trying to tell me to stop being so fat and always eating at Chipotle."  Matt also added that he plans on going through with the pregnancy because he believes abortion is morally wrong.

We wish Matt the best of luck during his pregnancy.  Let's just pray that he doesn't go through a stretch of bad morning sickness and take out his feminine mood swings on the rest of the roommates.