New Beginnings

In honor of my 24th birthday and new beginnings, I decided to give the blog a new look. Or maybe I was just bored. You can choose.

Tim Stars In Commercial For "Asiaball"

The Employment Begins.....

It has been a week now since Austin J's long awaited and bragged about employment at Delloit and Douche. Austin interned there last summer and was offered a job there last fall. You may be thinking, wow, congratulations, this kid has it made, think twice! What he thought was a big four accounting firm turned out to be a douche bag manufacturer. This is a high profile douche bag company, they have turned out names like Kanye West, Perez Hilton, the popped collar, the barbed wire bicep tatoo, and last but not least, Tim O. Austin was quoted as saying, "Ever since starting my employment with Delloit and Douche, I have been wearing skin tight jeans, pink polo's with the collars popped, of course, I just like the atmosphere here, people accept me." It is unknown how he mixed up Delloit and Touche for Delloit and Douch, but it appears that Austin is in line to be a principle and making $100k in only a couple years. You can now see Austin as a frequent visitor of Spin Night Club, where he is strictly limited to VIP, what does Austin say about his new found friends? "I just love, love, when I buy a girl a drink and she dances with me, I feel the love, and love is what I love." Congrats on the new employment Austin, I wish I had a job.....just not with Douche Bags.

This Video Was Put Out Showcasing their New Product Line.

College Baseball Player Still Bragging About High School Statistics

Area Baseball Player Tim O. was recently caught dropping his High School statistics in a spirited conversation with his teammates. The immature announcement came after Tim was insulted by Bob T. calling the Big 9 conference, “a collection of midgets.” Both upset and offended, Tim responded by informing the entire room of his avg, rbi, hr, steals, hbp, put-outs and assists during his senior campaign. Thinking the barrage of statistics had ceased when Tim ran out of breath, John S. was shocked when Tim proceeded to make known his legion stats from both junior and senior year. John recounted the situation by saying, “it was like he had to tell everyone every stat he has ever accumulated. I guess some things never change.” Roommates have even seen Tim’s letter jacket hanging in his wardrobe, a sure sign he isn’t ready to let go of what once was.

John went on to say that, “if you listen carefully you can often hear Tim humming the John Marshall Fight Song.”

You can hear the song here.

Area Baseball Player Discovers New Base Running Strategy

Caught In The Arms of a Man

Tim O Seen Posing for Picture with Sir EJ!

Last night at the Academy of Bad Bloggers Gala, newcomer Tim O was seen taking pictures with Sir Elton John! It has been rumored for some time now that Tim O and Sir Elton John have been having a side fling. Elton John or EJ, as Tim calls him on his blog, was quoted as saying, "Tim and I enjoy doing the subtle things in life..camping, fishing, laying out in the sun, enjoying the birds' songs, and whatever else we both like." Although Tim has denied for some time now that the of them are anything more than friends, "We are just friends who both share a common passion for blogging." As EJ received his award for blogger of the year, Tim was spotted squealing for joy in the back and someone even noticed a tear running down his face. The rumors were solidified later on that night as they both posed for pictures afterwards.

StaringOutTheEyehole!

"...Iraq, everywhere like such as...."

How is she someone to look up to? One of the dumbest girls I've ever heard!

Rumblings From 205

I will start this war with the noobs from room 205 + Bob! What a disgrace to blog posters worldwide.

1) There are no pictures or videos posted. It is not fun to just look at words on a page.

2) No polls, or other applications.

3) Tim O is writing on the blog.

I have been monitoring the events from Rumblingsfrom205.blogspot.com for over a day now as have other people around the state. Jay S, was quoted as saying, "this blog is more boring than a John S joke on a Friday night!" Among other things, we had a a sit down interview with Chris D who was quoted as saying, "I think I created a better blog last year, I think I had like 550 followers."

Lets let this blog war continue, I will be waiting for your defense.

Has anyone heard Tim hit a homerun with a wood bat the other week in fall Senior Leadership Practice?

Obama's Response to Kanye after Kanye Interupted Obama's Speach

Kanye West Interupts Barack Obama

Lame V-Day Facebook Status Updates!

For all those people who despise looking at Facebook Status Updates here are some people's v-day status updates....

Chris: likes boys!
Brent: loves love!
Stephanie: is eating chocolate! What else do you do on Valentines Day?
Shantele: is enjoying dinner with her man!
Kiley: loves V-day...so does Hallmark!
Daniel: is finding my baby gonna hold her tight gonna grab some afternoon delight.
Shantele: is waiting for her man to come home.
Jonathon: is lovin being single on valentines day, my only job is to drink.
Jillian: is watching Intervention on A&E...happy Valentines Day!?!?
Michelle: is single......me and dan broke up....
Jana: just stood outside for over an hour waiting for AAA to come unlock her car.
Issac: is realizing that: Love. No matter what language you say it in, it’s pronounced differently.
David: Happy valentine's day to all the ladies out there!
Caleb: is wanting someone to love!
Madelynne: is everyone who says they hate Valentine's Day is a LIAR!!!
Rick: it's just a holiday to make guys spend money.
Jason: is happy Valentine's day, every day is the 14th / Could be an organ donor the way I give up my heart...
Matt: another valentines day alone..... ahhhh...... its better that way.
Zack: is wishing he had a valentine :/.
Anders: ooo St. Valentine you professional gentleman of leisure...
Jimmy: Hates v-day because it's overrated.

These are the top 3....
3)Matthew: lets face the facts, our parents will be doing it tonight...
2)Steve O: is gonna watch dano get drunk tonight and punch some dude!!
1) Jon: thinks valentine's day can go to hell.

Wildlife in Politics.......

Animals that were formerly self-sufficient
are now showing signs of
belonging to the Democratic Party...
as they have apparently learned to just
sit and wait for the government
to step in and provide for their care and sustenance.
This is a Democrat black bear in Montana nicknamed
Bearack Obearma.


Why is it that it seems like this is the way the country is moving? Why can't people just step up and do what they have to do, take initiative and help themselves out instead of waiting for our corrupt, inefficient, partisan government to do it for us?

The Clock Strikes Midnight on Eve of Suspension

As the clock struck midnight on Friday, February 13, all the roommates plus myself in room 211 were ready to send Geoff off for his long overdue suspension and to have a celebration party of our own for getting that bastard out of here for 3 days. 

When we got back to the room, we found Geoff still sitting on the couch doing his usual routine: Lounging in his smelly sweatpants, watching some boring TV, and facebook creeping on SK.  Once again, Geoff proves to be the biggest buzz kill of all time.

We will have to wait for the send off of Geoff until the morning, and what a blessed morning it will be.  Three straight days without Geoff could possibly be heaven on Earth.  When Geoff's roommate, Matt N., was asked about what the best part of living with out Geoff for weekend, he responded, "The best part of Geoff leaving is that I don't have to put up with his smell. He makes our room smell like complete shit and leaves his "dirty" socks right next to his computer. It will also be nice to have my girlfriend come over so we don't have to do the deed in the midst of Geoff's stench."

Ben T., was quoted in saying, "Thank God Geoff is out of here for once.  I am so sick of coming back to our room and seeing Geoff with his computer plopped up on his lap.  Who knows what he is looking at on there anyways.  Plus I'm just sick of his voice.  Every time he opens his mouth, I wish I were dead."

When friend and fellow classmate, Austin J., was asked about Geoff, he had this to say, "Geoff is more worthless than Andrew E's Ad Club and he is by far the worst halo player I have ever seen.  The kid brings nothing to the table except a new sense of creepiness."

We all agree that the weekend without Geoff should be one of the best weekends in room 211.

Bon Voyage, Geoff.

With Love,

Room 211 + Pete

UNC

UNC beats Duke....  Hansborough is the best player in college basketball.... for white people. 

Update on room 211

I haven't blogged in a while, but now I'm back to spit hot fire like Dylan from Chappelle's skit. Since its been a while I thought I would just update everyone on whats happening in the life of the hoodlums from 211.

Ben is still caught up in his cult(baseball) although now that we have caught on he is starting to deny it and emphasize his Christian activites. Lately almost all of his sentences start with, "In the sunday school group I lead ..." He also talks a good deal about his devotions and his "bible study" which conveniently is with baseball guys. Hmmmm....

Andrew has stepped up his moochieness to a completely new level. Last week I caught him asking President Jay Barnes if he could use his parking spot because it was inconvenient for him to walk all the way from heritage. Barnes agreed and said in an interview with me that "its just so hard to say no to that kid, I mean his parents don't live around here anymore and he is 35 years old and still has another year. I am just trying to make him feel comfortable so he can get off of our campus." And in response to an earlier article, the rumors are true, Andrew will be working for Austin although instead of PR he will be working in the custodial services department.

Geoff has gone to another level of creepiness this week. On Sunday night Geoff was scoping out women at Vespers when he discovered the "girl in gray." After seeing her he became completely obsessed. Later that night he asked me what I thought her name was although neither of us new he wanted to facebook stalk her. I said Geoff that is creepy, to which he responded "it's not creepy if they dont know about it!"

Kyle, I dont even know what to say about Kyle. He isnt even worth that much of my time and energy. (Roasted)

Matt has been spending time keeping creepy guys away from his woman and tanning. Word on the street is that he is trying to copy the look of the guidos.

Jay is just being his slothy self. In the past 2 weeks all he has managed to accomplish was to go to class maybe once or twice and then go to his internship a few times. The rest of his time was spent sleeping, lounging or playing halo.

Quotes From Austin as He Plays NCAA 09!

"here we go!"
"knee slapping...."
"Are you serious??!?!?!"
"I got pulled again!?!"
"Check out my stats!"
"HAHAHAHA"
"I like runningback because I don't have to make decisions"
"I couldn't call a timeout, I didn't have any left!"....me, "you had one left Austin"...."oh"
"Preseason I was ranked #27!"
"I'm averaging 111 rushing yards per game"...thats not that much austin...."It is when I only get 10 carries per game(said very defensively)"!
"I have 9 touchdowns in 3 games, thats pretty damn good, hahahahaha"!
"I'm good, I've won two Heismans!"
"I'm tough as nails!"
"Let's be nice to Austin for a change, can't we just do that?"
"Here we go, first Big Ten game....I'm going to roll through the Big Ten this year!"
"aaahhhhhhhhhhhhh, whats up? I just went 71 yards breaking 2 tackles for the touchdown!"
"OH, you are so lucky!"
"That wasn't me, that was my widereceiver!"
"I'd like to bend that quarterback over and give it to him!"
"This Butler guy is way more athletic than my last qb, I like him!"
"Oh whats up, another touchdown!"
"hahhahaaha, I'm averaging 41 yards per catch!"
"This play always freaks me out, I never know if he gives it to me or not!"
"I feel bad for my poor son, red beard jr!"
"Oh my gosh, please tell me someone saw that!!!"
"I'm a wrecking ball!!!, I'm a wrecking ball!!"
"God D*****"
"Got it, whats up!"
"ah dude, touchdown right here, that is if he gets it to me!"
"is there a trophy between Purdue and Minnesota?"
"Fricken pass it to me!"
"did you see how many times he spun??? He spun 5 times!!! What a retard"

This is only from the first half of his game, I got bored and tired from writing them all down, more to come soon!

Area Man Burned in Tanning Bed and Confused For a Lobster

Bethel Student Matt N. was severely burned after entering a tanning bed for the first ever.  The intense heat rash that occurred thereafter was induced by the lack of pigment in Matt N.’s skin and lack of cooperation to the tanning salon’s support staff and their recommendations.  Tanning salon employee Naomi had this to say,”I told him to start at 5 minutes and build a solid base, but he had his own agenda.”  An agenda for a 3^rd-degree skin burn others would say after seeing his hideously bright red skin later that day. 

Matt N. sought the help of aloe vera and other such lotions to cure the burn of his itchy skin but was forced to endure the pain for the better part of the evening.  When asked what part of his body was burned the most, Matt N. replied, “my ego.”

Why Left Wing Economics Makes No Sense!!

A Letter From The Boss

To All My Valued Employees,

There have been some rumblings around the office about the future of this company, and more specifically, your job. As you know, the economy has changed for the worse and presents many challenges. However, the good news is this: The economy doesn’t pose a threat to your job. What does threaten your job however, is the changing political landscape in this country.

However, let me tell you some little tidbits of fact which might help you decide what is in your best interests.

First, while it is easy to spew rhetoric that casts employers against employees, you have to understand that for every business owner there is a back story. This back story is often neglected and overshadowed by what you see and hear. Sure, you see me park my Cadillac outside. You’ve seen my big home at last years Christmas party. I’m sure; all these flashy icons of luxury conjure up some idealized thoughts about my life.

However, what you don’t see is the back story.

I started this company 28 years ago. At that time, I lived in a 300 square foot studio apartment for 3 years. My entire living apartment was
converted into an office so I could put forth 100% effort into building a company, which by the way, would eventually employ you.

My diet consisted of Ramen Pride noodles because every dollar I spent went back into this company. I drove a rusty Toyota Corolla with a defective transmission. I didn’t have time to date. Often times, I stayed home on weekends, while my friends went out drinking and partying. In fact, I was married to my business — hard work, discipline, and sacrifice.

Meanwhile, my friends got jobs. They worked 40 hours a week and made a modest $50K a year and spent every dime they earned. They drove flashy cars and lived in expensive homes and wore fancy designer clothes. Instead of hitting the Nordstrom’s for the latest hot fashion item, I was trolling through the discount store extracting any clothing item that didn’t look like it was birthed in the 70’s. My friends refinanced their mortgages and lived a life of luxury. I, however, did not. I put my time, my money, and my life into a business with a vision that eventually, some day, I too, will be able to afford these luxuries my friends supposedly had.

So, while you physically arrive at the office at 9am, mentally check in at about noon, and then leave at 5pm, I don’t. There is no “off” button for me.

When you leave the office, you are done and you have a weekend all to yourself. I unfortunately do not have the freedom. I eat, and breathe
this company every minute of the day. There is no rest. There is no weekend. There is no happy hour. Every day this business is attached to my hip like a 1 year old special-needs child. You, of course, only see the fruits of that garden — the nice house, the Cadillac, the vacations… you never realize the back story and the sacrifices I’ve made.

Now, the economy is falling apart and I, the guy that made all the right decisions and saved his money, have to bail-out all the people who
didn’t. The people that overspent their paychecks suddenly feel entitled to the same luxuries that I earned and sacrificed a decade of my life for.

Yes, business ownership has is benefits but the price I’ve paid is steep and not without wounds.

Unfortunately, the cost of running this business, and employing you, is starting to eclipse the threshold of marginal benefit and let me tell you why:

I am being taxed to death and the government thinks I don’t pay enough. I have state taxes. Federal taxes. Property taxes. Sales and use taxes. Payroll taxes. Workers compensation taxes. Unemployment taxes. Taxes on taxes. I have to hire a tax man to manage all these taxes and then guess what? I have to pay taxes for employing him. Government mandates and regulations and all the accounting that goes with it, now occupy most of my time. On Oct 15th, I wrote a check to the US Treasury for $288,000 for quarterly taxes. You know what my “stimulus” check was? Zero. Nada. Zilch.

The question I have is this: Who is stimulating the economy? Me, the guy who has provided 14 people good paying jobs and serves over 2,200,000 people per year with a flourishing business? Or, the single mother sitting at home pregnant with her fourth child waiting for her next welfare check?

Obviously, government feels the latter is the economic stimulus of this country.

The fact is, if I deducted (Read: Stole) 50% of your paycheck you’d quit and you wouldn’t work here. I mean, why should you? That’s nuts. Who wants to get rewarded only 50% of their hard work? Well, I agree which is why your job is in jeopardy.

Here is what many of you don’t understand … to stimulate the economy you need to stimulate what runs the economy. Had suddenly government mandated to me that I didn’t need to pay taxes, guess what? Instead of depositing that $288,000 into the Washington black-hole, I would have spent it, hired more employees, and generated substantial economic growth. My employees would have enjoyed the wealth of that tax cut in the form of promotions and better salaries. But you can forget it now.

When you have a comatose man on the verge of death, you don’t defibrillate and shock his thumb thinking that will bring him back to life, do you?

Or, do you defibrillate his heart? Business is at the heart of America and always has been. To restart it, you must stimulate it, not kill it.
Suddenly, the power brokers in Washington believe the poor of America are the essential drivers of the American economic engine. Nothing could be further from the truth and this is the type of change you can keep.

So where am I going with all this?

It’s quite simple.

If any new taxes are levied on me, or my company, my reaction will be swift and simple. I fire you. I fire your co-workers. You can then plead with the government to pay for your mortgage, your SUV, and your child’s future.
Frankly, it isn’t my problem any more.

Then, I will close this company down, move to another country, and retire. You see, I’m done. I’m done with a country that penalizes the productive and gives to the unproductive. My motivation to work and to provide jobs will be
destroyed, and with it, will be my citizenship.

So, if you lose your job, it won’t be at the hands of the economy; it will be at the hands of a political hurricane that swept through this
country, steamrolled the constitution, and will have changed its landscape forever. If that happens, you can find me sitting on a beach, retired, and with no employees to worry about….

Signed,

Your boss

Kyle L. Nominated For Worst Roommate at Bethel

Heritage room 211 roommate Kyle L. was recently nominated for the school’s prestigious worst roommate award.  When asked about his nomination, Kyle L. had this to say, “I am so proud of myself.  This is the culmination of my 4 years of work to be the biggest ass-hole on campus!”  The other 5 roommates agreed that the nomination is consistent with Kyle L.’s generally abrasive and destructive personality.

Kyle L. has been impressed with his recent performance due to his relatively short body of work over the interim and spring semesters.  “Because I am only staying there 3 or 4 nights a week, I need to pack more ass-hole per hour.”  Heritage residents and Bethel students agree that his “A-H/H ratio has been off the charts.

With the next 2 weeks open for voting, Kyle L. is anticipated as the landslide victor.  Expected to round out the top 5, respectively, are: Chris “I complain way too much” Theilen, Matt “I make Geoff sleep on the couch” Nungesser, Tim Churchill, and Frenchy (nominated by Geoff).