New Beginnings

In honor of my 24th birthday and new beginnings, I decided to give the blog a new look. Or maybe I was just bored. You can choose.

Tim Stars In Commercial For "Asiaball"

The Employment Begins.....

It has been a week now since Austin J's long awaited and bragged about employment at Delloit and Douche. Austin interned there last summer and was offered a job there last fall. You may be thinking, wow, congratulations, this kid has it made, think twice! What he thought was a big four accounting firm turned out to be a douche bag manufacturer. This is a high profile douche bag company, they have turned out names like Kanye West, Perez Hilton, the popped collar, the barbed wire bicep tatoo, and last but not least, Tim O. Austin was quoted as saying, "Ever since starting my employment with Delloit and Douche, I have been wearing skin tight jeans, pink polo's with the collars popped, of course, I just like the atmosphere here, people accept me." It is unknown how he mixed up Delloit and Touche for Delloit and Douch, but it appears that Austin is in line to be a principle and making $100k in only a couple years. You can now see Austin as a frequent visitor of Spin Night Club, where he is strictly limited to VIP, what does Austin say about his new found friends? "I just love, love, when I buy a girl a drink and she dances with me, I feel the love, and love is what I love." Congrats on the new employment Austin, I wish I had a job.....just not with Douche Bags.

This Video Was Put Out Showcasing their New Product Line.

College Baseball Player Still Bragging About High School Statistics

Area Baseball Player Tim O. was recently caught dropping his High School statistics in a spirited conversation with his teammates. The immature announcement came after Tim was insulted by Bob T. calling the Big 9 conference, “a collection of midgets.” Both upset and offended, Tim responded by informing the entire room of his avg, rbi, hr, steals, hbp, put-outs and assists during his senior campaign. Thinking the barrage of statistics had ceased when Tim ran out of breath, John S. was shocked when Tim proceeded to make known his legion stats from both junior and senior year. John recounted the situation by saying, “it was like he had to tell everyone every stat he has ever accumulated. I guess some things never change.” Roommates have even seen Tim’s letter jacket hanging in his wardrobe, a sure sign he isn’t ready to let go of what once was.

John went on to say that, “if you listen carefully you can often hear Tim humming the John Marshall Fight Song.”

You can hear the song here.

Area Baseball Player Discovers New Base Running Strategy

Caught In The Arms of a Man

Tim O Seen Posing for Picture with Sir EJ!

Last night at the Academy of Bad Bloggers Gala, newcomer Tim O was seen taking pictures with Sir Elton John! It has been rumored for some time now that Tim O and Sir Elton John have been having a side fling. Elton John or EJ, as Tim calls him on his blog, was quoted as saying, "Tim and I enjoy doing the subtle things in life..camping, fishing, laying out in the sun, enjoying the birds' songs, and whatever else we both like." Although Tim has denied for some time now that the of them are anything more than friends, "We are just friends who both share a common passion for blogging." As EJ received his award for blogger of the year, Tim was spotted squealing for joy in the back and someone even noticed a tear running down his face. The rumors were solidified later on that night as they both posed for pictures afterwards.

StaringOutTheEyehole!

"...Iraq, everywhere like such as...."

How is she someone to look up to? One of the dumbest girls I've ever heard!

Rumblings From 205

I will start this war with the noobs from room 205 + Bob! What a disgrace to blog posters worldwide.

1) There are no pictures or videos posted. It is not fun to just look at words on a page.

2) No polls, or other applications.

3) Tim O is writing on the blog.

I have been monitoring the events from Rumblingsfrom205.blogspot.com for over a day now as have other people around the state. Jay S, was quoted as saying, "this blog is more boring than a John S joke on a Friday night!" Among other things, we had a a sit down interview with Chris D who was quoted as saying, "I think I created a better blog last year, I think I had like 550 followers."

Lets let this blog war continue, I will be waiting for your defense.

Has anyone heard Tim hit a homerun with a wood bat the other week in fall Senior Leadership Practice?

Obama's Response to Kanye after Kanye Interupted Obama's Speach

Kanye West Interupts Barack Obama

Lame V-Day Facebook Status Updates!

For all those people who despise looking at Facebook Status Updates here are some people's v-day status updates....

Chris: likes boys!
Brent: loves love!
Stephanie: is eating chocolate! What else do you do on Valentines Day?
Shantele: is enjoying dinner with her man!
Kiley: loves V-day...so does Hallmark!
Daniel: is finding my baby gonna hold her tight gonna grab some afternoon delight.
Shantele: is waiting for her man to come home.
Jonathon: is lovin being single on valentines day, my only job is to drink.
Jillian: is watching Intervention on A&E...happy Valentines Day!?!?
Michelle: is single......me and dan broke up....
Jana: just stood outside for over an hour waiting for AAA to come unlock her car.
Issac: is realizing that: Love. No matter what language you say it in, it’s pronounced differently.
David: Happy valentine's day to all the ladies out there!
Caleb: is wanting someone to love!
Madelynne: is everyone who says they hate Valentine's Day is a LIAR!!!
Rick: it's just a holiday to make guys spend money.
Jason: is happy Valentine's day, every day is the 14th / Could be an organ donor the way I give up my heart...
Matt: another valentines day alone..... ahhhh...... its better that way.
Zack: is wishing he had a valentine :/.
Anders: ooo St. Valentine you professional gentleman of leisure...
Jimmy: Hates v-day because it's overrated.

These are the top 3....
3)Matthew: lets face the facts, our parents will be doing it tonight...
2)Steve O: is gonna watch dano get drunk tonight and punch some dude!!
1) Jon: thinks valentine's day can go to hell.

Wildlife in Politics.......

Animals that were formerly self-sufficient
are now showing signs of
belonging to the Democratic Party...
as they have apparently learned to just
sit and wait for the government
to step in and provide for their care and sustenance.
This is a Democrat black bear in Montana nicknamed
Bearack Obearma.


Why is it that it seems like this is the way the country is moving? Why can't people just step up and do what they have to do, take initiative and help themselves out instead of waiting for our corrupt, inefficient, partisan government to do it for us?

The Clock Strikes Midnight on Eve of Suspension

As the clock struck midnight on Friday, February 13, all the roommates plus myself in room 211 were ready to send Geoff off for his long overdue suspension and to have a celebration party of our own for getting that bastard out of here for 3 days. 

When we got back to the room, we found Geoff still sitting on the couch doing his usual routine: Lounging in his smelly sweatpants, watching some boring TV, and facebook creeping on SK.  Once again, Geoff proves to be the biggest buzz kill of all time.

We will have to wait for the send off of Geoff until the morning, and what a blessed morning it will be.  Three straight days without Geoff could possibly be heaven on Earth.  When Geoff's roommate, Matt N., was asked about what the best part of living with out Geoff for weekend, he responded, "The best part of Geoff leaving is that I don't have to put up with his smell. He makes our room smell like complete shit and leaves his "dirty" socks right next to his computer. It will also be nice to have my girlfriend come over so we don't have to do the deed in the midst of Geoff's stench."

Ben T., was quoted in saying, "Thank God Geoff is out of here for once.  I am so sick of coming back to our room and seeing Geoff with his computer plopped up on his lap.  Who knows what he is looking at on there anyways.  Plus I'm just sick of his voice.  Every time he opens his mouth, I wish I were dead."

When friend and fellow classmate, Austin J., was asked about Geoff, he had this to say, "Geoff is more worthless than Andrew E's Ad Club and he is by far the worst halo player I have ever seen.  The kid brings nothing to the table except a new sense of creepiness."

We all agree that the weekend without Geoff should be one of the best weekends in room 211.

Bon Voyage, Geoff.

With Love,

Room 211 + Pete

UNC

UNC beats Duke....  Hansborough is the best player in college basketball.... for white people. 

Update on room 211

I haven't blogged in a while, but now I'm back to spit hot fire like Dylan from Chappelle's skit. Since its been a while I thought I would just update everyone on whats happening in the life of the hoodlums from 211.

Ben is still caught up in his cult(baseball) although now that we have caught on he is starting to deny it and emphasize his Christian activites. Lately almost all of his sentences start with, "In the sunday school group I lead ..." He also talks a good deal about his devotions and his "bible study" which conveniently is with baseball guys. Hmmmm....

Andrew has stepped up his moochieness to a completely new level. Last week I caught him asking President Jay Barnes if he could use his parking spot because it was inconvenient for him to walk all the way from heritage. Barnes agreed and said in an interview with me that "its just so hard to say no to that kid, I mean his parents don't live around here anymore and he is 35 years old and still has another year. I am just trying to make him feel comfortable so he can get off of our campus." And in response to an earlier article, the rumors are true, Andrew will be working for Austin although instead of PR he will be working in the custodial services department.

Geoff has gone to another level of creepiness this week. On Sunday night Geoff was scoping out women at Vespers when he discovered the "girl in gray." After seeing her he became completely obsessed. Later that night he asked me what I thought her name was although neither of us new he wanted to facebook stalk her. I said Geoff that is creepy, to which he responded "it's not creepy if they dont know about it!"

Kyle, I dont even know what to say about Kyle. He isnt even worth that much of my time and energy. (Roasted)

Matt has been spending time keeping creepy guys away from his woman and tanning. Word on the street is that he is trying to copy the look of the guidos.

Jay is just being his slothy self. In the past 2 weeks all he has managed to accomplish was to go to class maybe once or twice and then go to his internship a few times. The rest of his time was spent sleeping, lounging or playing halo.

Quotes From Austin as He Plays NCAA 09!

"here we go!"
"knee slapping...."
"Are you serious??!?!?!"
"I got pulled again!?!"
"Check out my stats!"
"HAHAHAHA"
"I like runningback because I don't have to make decisions"
"I couldn't call a timeout, I didn't have any left!"....me, "you had one left Austin"...."oh"
"Preseason I was ranked #27!"
"I'm averaging 111 rushing yards per game"...thats not that much austin...."It is when I only get 10 carries per game(said very defensively)"!
"I have 9 touchdowns in 3 games, thats pretty damn good, hahahahaha"!
"I'm good, I've won two Heismans!"
"I'm tough as nails!"
"Let's be nice to Austin for a change, can't we just do that?"
"Here we go, first Big Ten game....I'm going to roll through the Big Ten this year!"
"aaahhhhhhhhhhhhh, whats up? I just went 71 yards breaking 2 tackles for the touchdown!"
"OH, you are so lucky!"
"That wasn't me, that was my widereceiver!"
"I'd like to bend that quarterback over and give it to him!"
"This Butler guy is way more athletic than my last qb, I like him!"
"Oh whats up, another touchdown!"
"hahhahaaha, I'm averaging 41 yards per catch!"
"This play always freaks me out, I never know if he gives it to me or not!"
"I feel bad for my poor son, red beard jr!"
"Oh my gosh, please tell me someone saw that!!!"
"I'm a wrecking ball!!!, I'm a wrecking ball!!"
"God D*****"
"Got it, whats up!"
"ah dude, touchdown right here, that is if he gets it to me!"
"is there a trophy between Purdue and Minnesota?"
"Fricken pass it to me!"
"did you see how many times he spun??? He spun 5 times!!! What a retard"

This is only from the first half of his game, I got bored and tired from writing them all down, more to come soon!

Area Man Burned in Tanning Bed and Confused For a Lobster

Bethel Student Matt N. was severely burned after entering a tanning bed for the first ever.  The intense heat rash that occurred thereafter was induced by the lack of pigment in Matt N.’s skin and lack of cooperation to the tanning salon’s support staff and their recommendations.  Tanning salon employee Naomi had this to say,”I told him to start at 5 minutes and build a solid base, but he had his own agenda.”  An agenda for a 3^rd-degree skin burn others would say after seeing his hideously bright red skin later that day. 

Matt N. sought the help of aloe vera and other such lotions to cure the burn of his itchy skin but was forced to endure the pain for the better part of the evening.  When asked what part of his body was burned the most, Matt N. replied, “my ego.”

Why Left Wing Economics Makes No Sense!!

A Letter From The Boss

To All My Valued Employees,

There have been some rumblings around the office about the future of this company, and more specifically, your job. As you know, the economy has changed for the worse and presents many challenges. However, the good news is this: The economy doesn’t pose a threat to your job. What does threaten your job however, is the changing political landscape in this country.

However, let me tell you some little tidbits of fact which might help you decide what is in your best interests.

First, while it is easy to spew rhetoric that casts employers against employees, you have to understand that for every business owner there is a back story. This back story is often neglected and overshadowed by what you see and hear. Sure, you see me park my Cadillac outside. You’ve seen my big home at last years Christmas party. I’m sure; all these flashy icons of luxury conjure up some idealized thoughts about my life.

However, what you don’t see is the back story.

I started this company 28 years ago. At that time, I lived in a 300 square foot studio apartment for 3 years. My entire living apartment was
converted into an office so I could put forth 100% effort into building a company, which by the way, would eventually employ you.

My diet consisted of Ramen Pride noodles because every dollar I spent went back into this company. I drove a rusty Toyota Corolla with a defective transmission. I didn’t have time to date. Often times, I stayed home on weekends, while my friends went out drinking and partying. In fact, I was married to my business — hard work, discipline, and sacrifice.

Meanwhile, my friends got jobs. They worked 40 hours a week and made a modest $50K a year and spent every dime they earned. They drove flashy cars and lived in expensive homes and wore fancy designer clothes. Instead of hitting the Nordstrom’s for the latest hot fashion item, I was trolling through the discount store extracting any clothing item that didn’t look like it was birthed in the 70’s. My friends refinanced their mortgages and lived a life of luxury. I, however, did not. I put my time, my money, and my life into a business with a vision that eventually, some day, I too, will be able to afford these luxuries my friends supposedly had.

So, while you physically arrive at the office at 9am, mentally check in at about noon, and then leave at 5pm, I don’t. There is no “off” button for me.

When you leave the office, you are done and you have a weekend all to yourself. I unfortunately do not have the freedom. I eat, and breathe
this company every minute of the day. There is no rest. There is no weekend. There is no happy hour. Every day this business is attached to my hip like a 1 year old special-needs child. You, of course, only see the fruits of that garden — the nice house, the Cadillac, the vacations… you never realize the back story and the sacrifices I’ve made.

Now, the economy is falling apart and I, the guy that made all the right decisions and saved his money, have to bail-out all the people who
didn’t. The people that overspent their paychecks suddenly feel entitled to the same luxuries that I earned and sacrificed a decade of my life for.

Yes, business ownership has is benefits but the price I’ve paid is steep and not without wounds.

Unfortunately, the cost of running this business, and employing you, is starting to eclipse the threshold of marginal benefit and let me tell you why:

I am being taxed to death and the government thinks I don’t pay enough. I have state taxes. Federal taxes. Property taxes. Sales and use taxes. Payroll taxes. Workers compensation taxes. Unemployment taxes. Taxes on taxes. I have to hire a tax man to manage all these taxes and then guess what? I have to pay taxes for employing him. Government mandates and regulations and all the accounting that goes with it, now occupy most of my time. On Oct 15th, I wrote a check to the US Treasury for $288,000 for quarterly taxes. You know what my “stimulus” check was? Zero. Nada. Zilch.

The question I have is this: Who is stimulating the economy? Me, the guy who has provided 14 people good paying jobs and serves over 2,200,000 people per year with a flourishing business? Or, the single mother sitting at home pregnant with her fourth child waiting for her next welfare check?

Obviously, government feels the latter is the economic stimulus of this country.

The fact is, if I deducted (Read: Stole) 50% of your paycheck you’d quit and you wouldn’t work here. I mean, why should you? That’s nuts. Who wants to get rewarded only 50% of their hard work? Well, I agree which is why your job is in jeopardy.

Here is what many of you don’t understand … to stimulate the economy you need to stimulate what runs the economy. Had suddenly government mandated to me that I didn’t need to pay taxes, guess what? Instead of depositing that $288,000 into the Washington black-hole, I would have spent it, hired more employees, and generated substantial economic growth. My employees would have enjoyed the wealth of that tax cut in the form of promotions and better salaries. But you can forget it now.

When you have a comatose man on the verge of death, you don’t defibrillate and shock his thumb thinking that will bring him back to life, do you?

Or, do you defibrillate his heart? Business is at the heart of America and always has been. To restart it, you must stimulate it, not kill it.
Suddenly, the power brokers in Washington believe the poor of America are the essential drivers of the American economic engine. Nothing could be further from the truth and this is the type of change you can keep.

So where am I going with all this?

It’s quite simple.

If any new taxes are levied on me, or my company, my reaction will be swift and simple. I fire you. I fire your co-workers. You can then plead with the government to pay for your mortgage, your SUV, and your child’s future.
Frankly, it isn’t my problem any more.

Then, I will close this company down, move to another country, and retire. You see, I’m done. I’m done with a country that penalizes the productive and gives to the unproductive. My motivation to work and to provide jobs will be
destroyed, and with it, will be my citizenship.

So, if you lose your job, it won’t be at the hands of the economy; it will be at the hands of a political hurricane that swept through this
country, steamrolled the constitution, and will have changed its landscape forever. If that happens, you can find me sitting on a beach, retired, and with no employees to worry about….

Signed,

Your boss

Kyle L. Nominated For Worst Roommate at Bethel

Heritage room 211 roommate Kyle L. was recently nominated for the school’s prestigious worst roommate award.  When asked about his nomination, Kyle L. had this to say, “I am so proud of myself.  This is the culmination of my 4 years of work to be the biggest ass-hole on campus!”  The other 5 roommates agreed that the nomination is consistent with Kyle L.’s generally abrasive and destructive personality.

Kyle L. has been impressed with his recent performance due to his relatively short body of work over the interim and spring semesters.  “Because I am only staying there 3 or 4 nights a week, I need to pack more ass-hole per hour.”  Heritage residents and Bethel students agree that his “A-H/H ratio has been off the charts.

With the next 2 weeks open for voting, Kyle L. is anticipated as the landslide victor.  Expected to round out the top 5, respectively, are: Chris “I complain way too much” Theilen, Matt “I make Geoff sleep on the couch” Nungesser, Tim Churchill, and Frenchy (nominated by Geoff).

Bill Cosby is a great American!!!!! Read on.......

'They're standing on the corner and they can't speak English..

I can't even talk the way these people talk:
Why you ain't,
Where you is,
What he drive,
Where he stay,
Where he work,
Who you be...
And I blamed the kid until I heard the mother talk.
And then I heard the father talk.
Everybody knows it's important to speak English except these knuckleheads. You can't be a doctor with that kind of crap coming out of your mouth.
In fact you will never get any kind of job making a decent living.
People marched and were hit in the face with rocks to get an Education, and now we've got these knuckleheads walk ing around.
The lower economic people are not holding up their end in this deal.
These people are not parenting. They are buying things for kids.
$500 sneakers for what?
And they won't spend $200 for Hooked on Phonics.
I am talking about these people who cry when their son is standing there in an orange suit.
Where were you when he was 2?
Where were you when he was 12?
Where were you when he was 18 and how come you didn't know that he had a pistol?
And where is the father? Or who is his father?
People putting their clothes on backward:
Isn't that a sign of something gone wrong?
People with their hats on backward, pants down around the crack, isn't that a sign of something?
Or are you waiting for Jesus to pull his pants up?
Isn't it a sign of something when she has her dress all the way up and got all type of needles [piercing] going through her body?
What part of Africa did this come from??
We are not Africans. Those people are not Africans; they don't know a thing about Africa ..
I say this all of the time. It would be like white people saying they are European-American. That is totally stupid.
I was born here, and so were my parents and grand parents and, very likely my great grandparents. I don't have any connection to Africa, no more than white Americans have to Germany, Scotland, England, Ireland, or the Netherlands. The same applies to 99 percent of all the black Americans as regards to Africa. So stop, already! ! !
With names like Shaniqua, Taliqua and Mohammed and all of that crap .. and all of them are in jail.
Brown or black versus the Board of Education is no longer the white person's problem.
We have got to take the neighborhood back.
People used to be ashamed. Today a woman has eight children with eight different 'husbands' -- or men or whatever you call them now.
We have millionaire football players who cannot read.
We have million-dollar basketball players who can't write two paragraphs. We, as black folks have to do a better job.
Someone working at Wal-Mart with seven kids, you are hurting us.
We have to start holding each other to a higher standard.
We cannot blame the white people any longer.'

Dr. William Henry 'Bill' Cosby, Jr., Ed.D.

(Not sure if this is really from Bill Cosby, I got it as a forward and is pretty good...Let me know if it is not really written by Bill Cosby)

Junior Varsity

It has come to my attention that many of us play video games on the "Junior Varsity" difficulty setting. Now, this setting is indeed something that can be acceptable for those under the age of 10, or those with sever mental handicaps, because it appropriately challenges the mind in these facets of life.

However, once one graduates to age 11, or overcomes severe mental disabilities, they must also graduate from the "Junior Varsity" difficulty settings. Failing to do so will inhibit further growth as a human, more specifically as a true "Man's Man." Performing on a lower level on something as simple video games then translates to a lower overall performance in life - aka - drink more, get fatter, date uglier woman, or hanging out with "The Little One."

Let us examine this in a more artistic manner. When you were younger you wore diapers to make sure that your feces was not strewn about the house because you were at an age where your mental capacity was similar to a monkey (they throw their feces, you just left on the ground). However, when you began to learn to speak, and walk, and quantum physics, you graduated from the diaper into the "pull-ups", or for some, right into "whitey-tighties". This is because it was the appropriate development path for your overall well-being.

Had you not taken this path of development and graduated from diapers to underwear, and subsequently into the use of the toilet to dispose of your waste, you would be sitting and reading this with a horribly smelly diaper, saturated with feces and urine, wrapped tightly upon you, and possibly with a little diaper rash. This then creates an overall negative life view.

From this example, we can see that not graduating to the most difficult setting on games, or the second most difficult setting will in turn lead you to sit in a pile of your own filth, rather than challenging you and developing you into the next Obama, or Hitler.... I mean....

So today I challenge you to challenge yourself - Move up a level and become greatness, lest you sit in your dirty diaper.

Things We Missed During the Superbowl

Jon O to Start Opening Day at RB for BU

After much anticipation, I would like to announce to all the Bethel University football fans that Jon O. has finally decided to go out for Bethel Football in the fall of 2009. This rumor has been spreading across BU campus for the last three years after Jon O stated freshman year, "If I worked at it and finally started working out, I would be Bethel University's starting running back because at 5'5", 115 lbs., I would be able to hide behind any offensive line and score every time!"

The rumor really picked up heat after the end of Jon's freshman year when all-world RB Phill Porta graduated after setting the MIAC's all time rushing record and Bethel was looking for another bonafide RB to be able to give the rock to and they believed that Jon O. could the answer. He did however keep BU fans wondering,"would this kid with a beard really be our savior?"

Jon hired an exploratory committee in the fall of 2007 to see how he would be able to handle college football, and if people were interested in him. He held a pep rally in the halls of BU preaching of hope and that change would soon come to Bethel University and exclaimed, "When I step up on the phone books, place my right hand on the football and my other hand on my beard I will look out into the crowds and say to myself, 'this is for you baby' and point to the heavens as a salute to my Civic who got me to where I am today."

Talk picked up again after the 2008 season after finishing far under fan's expectations with poor performances from their running back by committee. Jon has been spending this last month of J-Term "pumping up his biceps and fertilizing my face hair"-jon.....He has been working hard and now claims to be "tough as nails" and ready for opening day 2009.

The exploratory came back to Jon last week and told him the good news, that in FACT, he should announce his candidacy for the 2009 Bethel Football Starting RB. Steve Johnson the head BU football coach said this about Jon's news, "We accept all people of all height and of all athletic ability, Jon will be welcomed with open arms like the prodigal son he is coming home." We look forward to the upcoming season as Jon uses his last semester of NCAA eligibility to bring change and hope to BU football. Before this becomes official Jon's drug test is still pending due to small traces of HGH in his piss. We'll keep you posted.

Name That Person 2

Pete=1
Everyone Else=0
Be the first person to post the name of the person pictured below as a comment.

Name That Person

This is a new game I am creating, the goal is to be the first person to name the person pictured below. The only rule is that you have to leave it as a comment with your name. Here we go with the first ever "Name That Person".

Colbert Burns President Bush to His Face

Only one man could have the balls to look the president in the face and rip on him for his war in Iraq. The man is Mr. Colbert, Mr. America. Mr. Bush doesn't seem to like the jokes too much, how who in Bush's office allowed something like this to happen. I can't wait until they let Colbert rip Obama to shreds as much as Geoff gets ripped to shreds by Matt in their "getaway".

Lebron James: Cheater

I will be the first to admit that Lebron James is one of the best players in the NBA since Michael Jordan and possibly ever, but to make it all the more impressive, he never even went to college.  But was his lack of college attendance really because he wasn't smart enough to get in anywhere?  Some would argue yes, especially since Lebron doesn't even know the rules of the sport he plays!  Check out Lebron completely ignore the rules of the game with this awesome travel.

We all know the real reason for Lebron's continued abuse of traveling and it is the lack of respectable refs in the NBA that are willing to call Lebron out.  They have let him become bigger than the game and that is an absolute shame.  Not to mention letting him dribble two times down the court for the eleven steps he takes makes him look like a buffoon.

Obama's stimulus plan to stimulate something other than the economy?

If the thought of President Obama's trillion dollar, big government stimulus package didn't already give Rahm Emanuel a big boner and make certifiably insane Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi wet, then they will really get off when they see that $335 Million of this "stimulus" package will be used towards the prevention of STD's!  Don't worry about the economy folks, going out and porking everyone in sight will take care of our financial whoas!

Oh, wait.....this isn't a joke?  NOPE!  Just another truth about the air-heads who somehow are leading our country.

Austin J. Hires Andrew E. as PR Agent

In a sudden twist of fate, Austin J. was forced to hire Andrew E. as his PR agent Tuesday night after horrifically low friend-approval ratings.

The irony of the situation exists because of an article authored by Austin J. in which he ridicules Andrew E. for his leadership and calls his profession nonsense.  But with his reputation in the dumpster, he has no other option but to turn to the master of Advertising and PR, Andrew E.

Austin J.’s  low friend-approval ratings stem from his extreme exploitation of blogging privileges.  His communication breakdown for the past 3 days has been the following:

97% - blog related communications

2% - rugby related communications

1% - why he is “tougher” than Jon O. who is “tough as nails”

Andrew E. is faced with a very difficult task in trying to rebuild Austin J.’s much tarnished image.  Expect to see changes in topical discussions including why University of Texas “blows the big one” and why Willmar is the worst city in MN.  Topics that Andrew is recommending for immediate termination include: blogging, rugby, University of Texas, Deloitte, and accounting.

Austin J. later added that, “I am just your average, left-brained, analytical, number crunching idiot that knows nothing about public perception, thats why I need Andrew E.’s help.”  Andrew E. responded by saying, “I’m glad to help out a friend, as long as he realizes how much people like him need people like me!”  

Bethel Senior is inducted into the Guiness Book of World Records

Bethel University senior Kyle L. has accomplished what many thought was impossible. Four months ago Kyle broke the world record for most first dates in one month. In the month of September Kyle managed to partake in an astonishing amount of first dates, 247 to be exact. After a few months of research put in by the Guinness book of world records team, they have decided to proclaim Kyle’s feat official. They have determined that all the dates were official although some of the participants may in fact have been under the age of 18. In the end they determined that age should not take place in the discussion as long as the girls were over the age of consent.

Although this accomplishment seems like a great one, it did not come without sacrifice. Many believe that Kyle’s dates were the real reason that he was kicked off the football team. After hearing this I decided to do a little research myself. In a conversation I had with coach Steve Johnson he said “Although I did not know about ALL the dates that Kyle was going on, I could tell that there was something taking most of his attention, and it does explain all the women that I saw him hanging around.” Also in my research I was able to talk to some of the girls that he went on dates with. Ashley Q., pictured above, said "although it did not work out between Kyle and I, I am still glad I was able to be part of such a historic event. Kyle gave me the night of my life, and he even cooked breakfast for me in the morning." Kyle is a man we should all respect for what he was able to accomplish.

Advertising: Who needs it?

With our economy in a seemingly never ending death spiral, what business has extra money to spend on advertising? None! During this troubling time companies need to cut back on their expenses and concentrate their funds only where they are needed, like paying their accountants. At Bethel University there seems to be a movement that is taking place with business students to start an advertising club. The student leading this charge is Bethel senior and 35 year old Andrew E., pictured above. My questions is should we as Bethel students be paying for a completely unnecessary club like the ad club. Especially when it is gonna be led by this kid.

I challenge you as Bethel students and faculty to think about this. If students want to get an education so they can go into advertising they should have just gone to National American University. If students want to pay the tuition that they are paying to go here they should at least get a job that matters. I think in these times we should save our money and use it to lower tuition cost and pay for important things like bills, instead of wasting it on useless clubs

Bethel University Associate Professor to run for President in 2012

In the year 2011, when President Hussein, I mean Obama, has single handedly run our country into the ground and the unemployment rate is so high the Great Depression would look like a relief, do not fear for there is hope for the future.  This hope comes in a form of "change" that takes America back to it's traditional ways of operation.  This hope comes in the name Chuck Hannema , a Bethel University professor who will be on the ballot in 2o12.

The ludicrous plans that President Obama has put in place to "change" the country and the World are only going to take us to a place that many of us never want to see; hell.  Even after big government spending has proven to never be the answer, Obama still believes it can somehow solve our economic problems today.  During FDR's "New Deal", big government spending somehow got praised for ending a recession that ended up lasting over seven years.  Not my idea of a solution.  Even FDR's Secretary of the Treasury admitted that the plan ended up doing nothing.  During the seventh year he said that they had spent and spent all the money they could and nothing was left..........and nothing had been done.  

To make matters even worse, President Obama is using the gloom and doom approach to get people to buy into his bullshit government spending budget.  This lack of confidence from our national leader does not do any of us any good.  What happened to the positive attitude Obama?  Did you finally realize that you are completely under-qualified for the Presidential position and don't know what in the hell you are doing?  

Chuck Hannema sees through Obama's gobbledigook.  Recently he was featured on WCCO TV's "Good Question" segment.  Hannema cannot believe why there is such a lack of confidence right now and says the FED, FDIC, SEC, and Government are all to blame.  That means you Mr. Obama.  All we can do now is pray that the next four years go by fast and that Obama's "Bridges to Nowhere" type projects do not completely drain all good American citizens pockets.  Chuck Hannema is the real hope that America needs: Vote Hannema in 2012

I think Winston Churchill said it best...."Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance, and the gospel of envy, its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery." 

To see the full story and video segment with Chuck, follow the link below.

http://wcco.com/goodquestion/knowing.economy.turnaround.2.903695.html

In the words of Kevin McCallaster....Keep the "change", you filthy animal

Playa Hataz Ball

The rantings that go back and forth in 211.

Travishamockery

In a girls basketball game in Texas this past week, one school won the game 100-0.   The head coach of the winning team was fired and did not agree with the schools stated apology.  The losing team has a total of 20 girls at the school and 8 are on the basketball team.  It is an academy for students with learning differences.  

Here is a link to the story:  http://highschool.rivals.com/content.asp?CID=904726

This coach should be sentenced to a prison term at Guantanamo Bay for his ridiculous act.  Too bad President Obama is closing it down.  However, I think not even Obama would agree with this display of unsporstwoman like conduct.  He will probably pass a law outlawing sports so everyone can be equal.

Baseball: A game or a Religion?

Recently, I spotted Ben T. participating in activities that many at Bethel would consider a questionable activity. The activities in question do not involve ingesting any materials that may alter his state of mind, but instead involve Ben's purpose for living. It appears that Ben is leading a cult in the worship of baseball. At the start of the year Ben gave up drinking so he could totally commit his life to baseball. In an interview I had with Bethel senior baseball player Pete A he said "I am starting to worry about Ben, baseball has become his life and I think I saw him building a baseball alter in his locker."

I also have experienced Ben's worship of baseball. Last week he asked me if I knew where he could buy a live chicken. It is my belief that he was going to perform a living sacrifice to a baseball. Also in a statement I recieved from Matt N. he mentioned that one night he spotted Ben sitting in the bath room playing with a Wiji board. Although baseball is a very good game to both play and watch, I believe that some people are trying to make it into their religion. We will have to just wait and see if Ben's worship pays off. The Bethel baseball season starts soon and rumors are that Ben is suppose to have a great season. Lets just hope his arm holds up.

Area Man Runs Out of Plasma To Donate

After 4 years of donating his vital blood plasma, the well has run dry for Jay R.  He received the news at his last visit to Biolife Plasma Services.  Plasma Technician Susan W. recalls the event.  “I checked his plasma levels and there was nothing there.  I’ve seen people run low, even down to a couple drops, but never completely run out.”  She added that “he is probably the most desperate person I have ever met.”  Jay R. will now be forced with alternative means of financing date nights with his girlfriend, buying video games, and chipotle dinners.  Due to his body’s inability to generate any blood plasma for cash, Jay R. is inquiring about donating sperm, participating in dangerous medical studies, and selling body parts on the black market.

University Shuttle Driver Takes Turn for the Worst

Local Student Jon O., a devoted Shuttle Driver at Bethel University, was recently let go from his position late Sunday evening.  The decision had been forecast months before with repeated complaints of aggressive driving, poor music selection, and off-beat jokes to shuttle passengers.  After hearing the decision Jon O. had this to say, "Yeah I'm pissed, that was my best opportunity to talk to freshman girls."  The most recent complaint came from a group of Juniors taking the shuttle to Fountain Terrace last Thursday.  Bryan S. recounts the situation, "We had just finished up a group project and were eager to get back to Fountain so we could get some much needed rest.  After waiting outside for the shuttle for several minutes, all we wanted was the shuttle to be warm so we could heat up our chilled bones, but when we got in the shuttle we soon discovered that Jon O. had the Air Conditioning turned on when it was a cold -4 degrees outside.  I filed a complaint as soon as I got home!"  Many speculate Jon O. was driving the shuttle that night with the Air Conditioner on to prove he's tough as nails.

THIS JUST IN: GEOFF IS BACK IN AMERICA AND EUROPE COULDN'T BE HAPPIER

In case you are wondering, it is true, Geoff is officially back in his country of origin. He has been gone for around 3 weeks and just this evening his flight arrived back at MSP airport. According to others on his trip, Geoff thoroughly enjoyed himself but it was much at the expense of the natives of the countries he was in. In a statement I recieved from Karel Schwarzenberg, the current minister in charge of the European Union, he is quoted as saying "Im just glad that he has fled our continent, now we can concentrate on more pressing issues like the economy."

In a recent conversation I had with Professor Opsata, she mentioned that she thinks that Geoff quite possibly could be the son of Satan himself. I quickly defended Geoff and mentioned to her that if he truly was the son of satan than he would have much more appeal to others and he could not possibly live the life that Geoff leads. Also in a poll I recently took, I found that Europe's approval rating of America during President Bush's final term was at an all time low of 38%. After President Obama was elected the ratings immediately jumped up to 69%, but during Geoff's time in Europe it dropped all the way back down to 38% meaning that Geoff has single handedly reversed all of the forseen improvements that President Obama could make.

Local Male Becomes Pregnant?

Local male college student is found to be pregnant.  This bizarre occurrence has doctors everywhere puzzled and concerned.  Matt Nungesser appears to be with child and is due sometime in late May.  After intense studies and research, it has been confirmed that it must be some sort of divine intervention like Jesus and Marry since Matt is indeed still a virgin.  When asked about his miraculous pregnancy, Matt said, "I am very excited to be carrying a gift of God and hope that it is a beautiful baby boy."  He also commented, "I just hope he doesn't take after his father and have my steel hands.  Maybe God will grant me another miracle and give my son the hands of Larry Fitzgerald."  

Unfortunately for Matt, God has not answered his prayers.  After his ultrasound last week, doctors found that he is carrying a beautiful Steak Chipotle burrito.  It should come out weighing a solid 5 pounds 8 ounces with all its condiments fully intact.  If it is not a failed birth, it will be a new world record sized burrito.  Chipotle has been contacting Matt to see if they can use the burrito birth as a new advertisement campaign.

When asked about carrying a burrito, Matt responded by saying, "God has his own plans for me and my burrito.  Maybe he is trying to tell me to stop being so fat and always eating at Chipotle."  Matt also added that he plans on going through with the pregnancy because he believes abortion is morally wrong.

We wish Matt the best of luck during his pregnancy.  Let's just pray that he doesn't go through a stretch of bad morning sickness and take out his feminine mood swings on the rest of the roommates.

Sloth Spotting Part Duex: Waking of the Sloth

In a previous post I had described the sloths daily routine and the dangers of waking one during their prime hours of slumber.  Here are some pictures of Jay as he is woken by Ben.   Fortunately he did not get eaten like the last kid, but the attacks were vicious none the less.

is there a better animated show...South Park?

turben family christmas vacation

This was my first family vacation to Cancun, Mexico and we stayed just outside Cancun at a resort called El Cid. We went with another family and had a blast for most of the time. The pool side service and entertainment was excellent and it was all inclusive which meant all you can eat and drink....too bad could not take advantage of this as my year of abstaining from any form of alcohol was about half way over at the time, which I'll keep you all updated to how that's going as time moves along. El Cid is more family oriented in that there is nothing for young adults to do at night or anything around you can walk to. Some how in Mexico I caught a nasty cold and decided to go scuba diving...not a good idea, you are unable to balance out the pressure on your head when you have a cold and your sinuses are all clogged up...I pushed through all the pain but when I got to the surface I was bleeding out of my nose and threw up when I got on shore then stayed in bed for the next 4 hours. I thought I cracked my sinus cavity which I guess is a possible reason I was bleeding out of my nose. The last day we had a photographer take some family pictures here they are below.

Shot of the whole group in front of the main lobby.

Sibling Shot (For the record...I told Vitaly no pink.)

Family Photo